Change. There is so much change on the horizon.
Those who know me well know that I despise change.
Even good change makes me want to run and hide. I am such a creature of habit.
The sweet ladies small group I have been meeting with ever since we moved here three years ago is changing. One of our friends is moving far away to a different state, and we have another one whose oldest is starting kindergarten. We will still meet, though not as often, and while I am sure it will still be sweet, it won't be the same. I have loved the routine of seeing this group every week, watching our little ones grow up, sharing life together. Oh, change.
The shift in seasons of child-raising that I am just now realizing. Our kids (both my own and many of my friends as well) are moving out of the baby/toddler age into the preschool/school age. Instead of all having the same schedule, with mornings free and afternoons taken up by napping, we all seem to be going in different directions with different schedules and priorities. Oh, change.
This last Sunday our amazing church sent out some of our own to plant two new churches. And while I know this is a good thing, God's thing, my heart still aches. Especially when it means some very near and dear to us are heading out. Amy reminds me that we never saw each other on Sundays anyway (we nearly always went to different services), but still. Oh, change.
The choice to keep our little ones at home for school this year. I feel so confident and happy and full of peace about this decision, but at times I wrestle with it. It is different. When people ask Audrey and I if she is excited for school and kindergarten and backpacks and the first day...sometimes I don't know what to say. I am so excited about homeschooling; I really can't put my joy into words. I know it is the perfect fit for us right now. But I feel awkward and unsure sometimes when I try to explain it to others. This year Audrey would miss the state kindergarten cut-off anyway (her birthday is in September), so it feels easy to use that as an excuse. But of course, even if she did make the cut-off, we would still be keeping her at home. I want to find the confident words to express our choice to people, but I am not there yet. It is hard to choose a narrow path. And of course, saying "yes" to this journey, means saying "no" to many other things (good things!) in order to be fully present for my kids + this job, which I am willing + joyful to do and make sacrifices for... but oh, change.
The reality that a very near and dear to my heart friend is moving away soon. Date unknown, reality certain. I can't even bring myself to write about it, it hurts too much. Oh, change.
Autumn is almost here. And while I really really love it so, I truly do, I am not ready for Summer to end! I am clinging to sunny days. Oh, change.
Yet through it all, I feel the Lord's gentle whispers reminding me that even though the world is spinning around me, and nothing can stay the same forever, He is constant. He is faithful and good. And all the changes that come about, both good and bad, are because He has allowed them to happen. Because He knows what is best. Because He holds my life in His hands. And He will walk through every bit of it with me.
Oh, change. I embrace you. Even though I don't know what lies ahead. I am trusting and letting go.