I can't believe that my sweet Elliot was three weeks old on Saturday! Time is already going so fast; it makes me a little bit sad. I want to hold onto these newborn baby days forever...
I feel like the first thing I need to say about Elliot's birth is that I am just in awe of how God really took care of me down to every little last detail. There were several things in the weeks leading up to Elliot's birth that were stressing me out a little bit. Two weeks before I was due, my doctor went on vacation for ten days. I was really worried about going into labor without him there, especially because I wanted a VBAC so bad and I didn't want to have to convince another doctor to let me try for one while I was in labor. Well, pretty much all of my pre-labor symptoms stopped the night that my doctor left for vacation and did not come back until right before he got home. On top of that, the weekend that I finally went into labor, my doctor was the doctor on call.
Another thing that I was a little bit stressed out about was Audrey's care while I was in labor and in the hospital. I had several friends who I love and who adore Audrey "on-call" to help take care of her until my mom could get here, but I was still worried about how it was all going to pan out. I kept on thinking, "What if we can't get a hold of anyone and we have to take Audrey to the hospital with us?" I know. Crazy. But God had it all completely under control. Erik's mom arrived literally less than 24 hours before I went into labor, so when the time came to go to the hospital we were able to leave Audrey at home with her. God is good.
So here is the long-awaited story of Elliot's birth...
Two Fridays ago (on June 15th), while I was working on this post, I noticed that I was having some contractions. I had been having some cramping all week, so when it had started up again that morning I did not give it much thought. But around 11 am or so, I noticed that the cramping was a little bit more intense that it had been, and that hey, these were actually contractions that I was feeling.
Given the fact that when I was in labor with Audrey (her birth story is here) I went to the hospital five times before I was checked in, I was determined to be more patient with Elliot and wait as long as I possibly could before I headed to the hospital. So when I noticed the contractions on Friday I decided to just play it cool and try not to pay much attention to them until they got too painful not to notice. I didn't time them, I didn't watch the clock. I just went about my day, spending lots of time with my Audrey girl because I had a feeling that Elliot was coming that weekend.
I went to bed Friday night feeling a jumble of emotions- excited, anxious, nervous, scared. Even though my contractions- while remaining steady all day- had not gotten painful yet, I knew that something was different this time and that Elliot was on his way. Around 2:30 am I got up to go to the bathroom and noticed that the contractions were picking up in intensity. I drifted in and out of sleep for the next couple of hours, waking up every now and then to the stronger contractions. Somewhere between 2:30 am and 6:00 am (I can't remember when) I woke Erik up to tell him that he probably wouldn't be going to work that day and to ask him to time a couple contractions for me. Around 7:00 am, Erik got up with Audrey and I stayed in bed.
I slept off and on until about 9:00 am, when I found that I could no longer sleep through the contractions and was starting to have to breathe through most of them. Erik timed a couple more- they were about a minute to two minutes apart and were coming every three to four minutes. Now according to all the pregnancy books, I should have gone to the hospital right then because the contractions were long and were less than five minutes apart. But as I said before, I was determined to be more patient with Elliot and not go to the hospital until I felt like I absolutely needed to and I had not reached that point yet. The contractions were getting painful, but definitely not unbearable.
Erik's mom had a hair appointment scheduled for 10:00 am that was supposed to take about an hour and a half; she asked if we wanted her to cancel it. I told her to go and that we would call her if we needed her to come home earlier. However, not long after she left I started wishing that we had asked her not to go. I was starting to go into that "focus mode" that comes with labor (where during a contraction you can't focus on anything else but making it through the contraction) and I knew that we were going to have to go to the hospital soon. I told Erik how I was feeling and he told me to take my shower and get ready and then we would call his mom if we needed to.
At this point I was also struggling emotionally because Audrey was having kind of a hard time dealing with what was happening to me. She really wanted to be with me and was obviously really concerned about me and how I was feeling. But every time I started to cuddle or pay attention to her, a contraction would come and I would have to call Erik to come get her.I didn't want to shut her out of my room- I wanted her to feel like she could still come and be with me, but it was really difficult!
I finished my shower around 11:00 am and told Erik to call his mom and ask her how much longer she would be. When he got a hold of her, she said that they had just finished coloring her hair and that they still needed to cut it, but that she could skip that and come straight home if we needed her to. Erik told her to come home as soon as possible because we needed to get to the hospital.
We walked out the door right when Erik's mom got home. I had a really hard time saying goodbye to Audrey- I knew that the next time I saw her and that the next time I walked through the door of our house, our life would be completely different.
When we got to the hospital and the nurses at the front desk found out that I was trying for a VBAC, they checked me in right away without having to go through triage- this was around noon. And when the nurse checked to see how far I was dilated, we were thrilled to find out that I was already a five! Another way that God took care of all of my concerns: earlier that week when I had been praying about my labor and Elliot's birth, I had told God that it was my dream to be at least a five when I went to the hospital; it took me three days of labor to get to a four with Audrey. So I was so excited (and tearful!) when the nurse said that I was already that far along!
The nurse asked if I wanted an epidural. With Audrey I had really wanted to try to do the entire labor naturally, but had ended up choosing to have an epidural because I was so exhausted from being in labor so long. With Elliot, I was not opposed to having an epidural, but as with making the decision when to go to the hospital, I really wanted to be patient and wait as long as I could before getting one. Although I will never know for sure, sometimes I wonder if having an epidural early with Audrey (I was dilated to a four) slowed my labor down a little bit and contributed in the end to me having to have a C-section; I did not want to slow things down this time when my labor seemed to be progressing so well. Also, I did not feel like the pain had reached a point where it was unbearable yet. So I told the nurse that I wanted to wait.
The next couple of hours were a blur. I kind of zoned out and just focused completely on making it through each contraction. Erik sat beside me, offering words of encouragement, sips of water, and letting me squeeze his hand to death. Around 2:30 pm, my nurse asked me again how I was feeling about the pain and if I wanted anything for it. At that point I was definitely wavering. I wanted to wait as long as I could and I was still dealing with the pain okay, but my water had not broken yet and I was really nervous about how intense things could get when that happened. The nurse asked if I wanted to have my cervix checked again to help me make a decision and I said okay. I was shocked to find out that after just a little less than three hours I was already almost an eight!
When I found out that I was that far along and that my doctor was coming soon to break my water, I decided to go ahead and get the epidural. Since I was already an eight, I was no longer concerned about it slowing things down, and as I mentioned before, I was really nervous about what my contractions would be like after my water broke.
However, since I got the epidural so late, it definitely did not take away all of the pain! It took away most of the cramping of the contractions and the back pain that I was feeling, but I definitely felt an urge to push when the time came, as well as a lot of painful pressure the lower that Elliot got. The nurse told that she could have my epidural "increased" so that I could be *pain-free*, but that it would most likely interfere with my ability to push, so I opted out of getting more. I actually feel like I got the best of both worlds because the epidural took an edge off of the pain, but I still felt quite a bit and was able to control the pushing myself (rather than being told when to push) based on when I felt a contraction coming.
I got the epidural around 3:00 pm (my water was broken not long after that) and was ready to push around 5:00 pm. In fact, I knew that it was time to push even before my cervix was checked and declared a ten, simply because I was feeling such intense pressure, especially every time I had a contraction. The nurse actually had me begin "unofficially" pushing for awhile because it helped relieve some of the pain during the contractions. But I "officially" pushed for about an hour and 15 minutes before Elliot was born, most of which were spent with just Erik and my awesome, awesome nurse, Karen.
Speaking of labor support...When I was in labor with Audrey, I had quite a few "support" people present. Erik, my sister, and my doula Heather were all present for most of my labor, and my mom and Erik's mom joined us for the pushing stage because I asked them to at the last minute. I have no regrets about having all those people involved- it was what I felt like I needed at the time. However, in the months leading up to Elliot's birth, as Erik and I discussed how we wanted my labor with him to go, we both really felt like we wanted to be alone this time- just me and Erik (not including the obvious medical personnel who would be there).
And now, in retrospect, I can definitely say that I am so grateful that we made that decision. Although I appreciate all the support I got with Audrey's birth so much, I feel like one of the reasons why Elliot's birth went so well is because I felt so much more relaxed and uninhibited. I was not self-conscious at all- I never once thought about how I looked or what noises I was making while dealing with the pain- and best of all, I feel like it was such a beautiful, intimate time for just Erik and I. Yes, it is true that we didn't get as many pictures of Elliot's actual birth as we did of Audrey's simply because Erik didn't want to be behind a camera during the big moment, and who can blame him?! But as cheesy as it sounds, I will always, always hold the memory of both of my children's births so close to my heart, way more so than any of the photographs that we have.
My doctor came in to assist about ten or fifteen minutes before Elliot made his appearance. As incredible of a doctor as he is, I realize now that so much of your labor support at the hospital is really dependent upon the nurse you are assigned; we were so blessed to have the greatest nurse ever- her calming, nurturing spirit were exactly what I needed.
Elliot did not come "sliding out" as one might picture most babies doing. In Erik's words, "He crawled out", meaning that he came out literally piece by piece- first his head, then a shoulder, then an arm, then the other shoulder and arm...you get the picture. This is simply because sweet Elliot was a little bigger than all of us (my doctor included!) had anticipated! Exactly nine pounds and twenty-one and a half inches long (Audrey was nine pounds, four ounces, and the same length as Elliot). I told my doctor later that I was glad that I didn't know that he was going to be that big because I think that it would have really intimidated me!
After Erik and I got a chance to love on our little guy for awhile by ourselves, our family (Audrey, my mom and step-dad, and Erik's mom) came in to meet him. Audrey loved Elliot right from the start! She couldn't stop kissing and hugging him, which is still true to this day! I couldn't have asked for a better response from her towards her new little brother.
Elliot was born late in the day (6:12 pm), so after our family left, we had the rest of the night to ourselves because visiting hours ended at 8:00 pm, which was really nice! Even though I was super tired (of course!), I was amazed at how much better I felt than right after Audrey's birth. I remember falling asleep talking to visitors after Audrey was born; with Elliot I was wide-awake and had a lot of energy (from all the adreline and excitement, I'm sure!) for a couple of hours.
One of the best parts for me about having a VBAC is that I got to hold Elliot on my chest immediately after he was born- with Audrey I had to wait an hour and a half to hold her because I was in so much pain coming out of surgery. It was so wonderful to be able to cuddle him close, to smell him and kiss him right away. I really can't put into words how amazing that felt.
And I really can't put into words how amazed I still am that I actually had a VBAC! It is crazy when something you have wanted so long and planned for, but kind of never really expected to happen...to actually happen. I think I am still a little bit in disbelief of how well my entire labor and Elliot's birth went. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I really can see how God took care of every little last detail, how sovereign, faithful, and truly good He is.
And is it wrong to say that I am just a wee bit proud of myself for actually doing it!? I feel like I was able to handle the pain so well this time; I don't know if it is because I was less anxious than I was during my labor with Audrey, or because my pain tolerance has gone up, or because I felt completely comfortable with who was in the room with me...probably a combination of all three. Now three weeks later, I still can't wipe the smile off of my face or resist the urge to tell people about it.
Yet ultimately when it all comes down to it, I am just so happy and thankful to have two beautiful and healthy children, regardless of what their births were like. I am so very, very blessed!
