Thank you so much for all the kind words, encouragement, and prayers regarding our upcoming move! I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I was by all of your support. And I can honestly say that I have felt ten times better about the whole thing since I posted about it. I think maybe it is a combination of just getting it all off of my chest, as well as all the prayers I know have been prayed for me and my family. Again, thank you so much! Last week we I found out that our house has been rented and I felt such peace about it and I didn't even cry, which is huge for me!
I finally figured out why I was having trouble commenting on Blogspot blogs- I had to register with a new Google account. So I will finally be able to comment on all of your blogs again!
So, are you guys getting tired of these "catching you up" posts yet? I kind of feel the need to finish them up. I guess because my blog is not only a way for me to keep in touch with everyone, it is also my own journal of sorts, so I want to document everything for that reason too! So can you stick with me through a few more?
Be forewarned. This is another really LONG post! In fact, it literally took me two weeks to write this because it is something that has really been on my heart and mind quite a bit lately...
:: making several major family decisions ::
Part Two: VBAC versus C-Section
For those of you who are not familiar with Audrey's birth story, I ended up having a c-section with her after about three and a half days of labor. I was completely surprised to end up with a c-section; I never expected to have trouble birthing a baby, but then again I never expected my baby to weigh over nine pounds and be posterior.
After Audrey's birth I was not sure how I was going to approach birthing another baby. Erik and I knew that we definitely wanted to have more children, but we didn't know if we were going to just schedule a c-section with our next baby- which is fairly common after having one prior- or pursue a having a VBAC. When I first found out that I was pregnant again in October, I was definitely leaning towards scheduling a c-section. Yet the more research I did and the more I talked to my doctor about it the more I started feeling like trying to have a VBAC could be a good option for me.
I had a family practice doctor with Audrey who was a woman; having a woman doctor was extremely important to me at the time. I had a fairly good experience with her- she was a little bit less personable than I would have liked- but she was very supportive of all of my desires regarding my birth plan, which I am grateful for (although most of my birth plan went out the window as my labor progressed..."no pain medication" turned into "give me an epidural please!" after being in labor for so long!)
When it began to look like a c-section was the best option for getting Audrey out, my doctor called in the obstetrician who was on-call to evaluate me; because she was a family practice doctor, not an obstetrician, she could not perform the surgery herself. In walked this sweet older man who had the best bedside manner ever. He spoke in the gentlest, kindest voice and helped to completely ease all my fears about having the surgery; both Erik and I felt like we could trust him immediately. After I left the hospital I found out from countless people that I had ended up having one of the "best OB's in town" perform my surgery. He is extremely well-liked and has been practicing for almost 25 years. I felt very blessed (and taken care of by the Lord) to have had him end up being the doctor on-call that morning.
Even before I got pregnant a second time, Erik and I both knew that we wanted that OB to be my doctor with the next baby. Because he is so popular and fills up very fast, I called first thing Monday morning the weekend after I found out I was pregnant to make my first prenatal appointment with him. His practice is in a cute older house and he has the absolute sweetest nurse ever. I never thought that I would feel comfortable having a man handle my prenatal care, but I honestly feel so much more at ease with him than I ever did with my previous woman doctor. I think that part of it is because he has more sympathy for me; he has never experienced contractions or a growing belly or all the other things that come with pregnancy and childbirth, so I feel like he is just a little bit more patience with me than the woman doctor was who had birthed three children of her own. However, I am sure that there are many other women doctors or midwives out there that I would feel just as comfortable with, just as I am sure that there are many other men doctors that I would feel super uncomfortable with.
When I was about 16 weeks pregnant I began to discuss having a VBAC with my OB, and we continue to talk about it indepth at every appointment. His biggest concern has always been that this baby will be bigger than Audrey was and that I will have trouble pushing him out as well. He does not anticipate that I will have trouble progressing in labor- I was able to dialate to a 10 with Audrey, even if it did take awhile- and as he says, "second babies usually come faster". But of course, there is just no way to predict exactly how things will go.
So we have just been taking it one appointment at at time. I had another ultrasound at 32 weeks (about four weeks ago) so that my OB could make a rough guess at the baby's current growth curve- right now he is in the 60%, which is really good. It means that my little boy is an average size right now, not too big! My OB said that if he was growing more into the 90-95%, he would definitely recommend that I go with a scheduled C-section, although he will not refuse to let me try for a V-BAC. I am scheduled to have another ultrasound at 38 weeks to take another look at the baby's growth curve and we will probably make the final decision then. For now I have a tentative C-section scheduled for Wednesday, June 13- the day before my due date, just in case. At every appointment my OB reminds me that the scheduled C-section is not set in stone- that we can definitely cancel it or reschedule it for later; he advised us to get it on the schedule so that I could be guaranteed a morning surgery if we decide to go that route (you are not able to eat before the surgery, so if I had an afternoon C-section I would be famished by the time I went in and that would be no fun).
For the last few months I knew that I was definitely leaning towards wanting a VBAC, but I had no idea that I wanted it so bad until I got the phone call from my OB's office telling me the date and time of my scheduled C-section. Instead of being excited to know the exact day that I could meet my little one, I felt sad because I realized how badly I wanted to try to labor again.
I should also add that my desire for a VBAC has nothing to do with me wanting to redeem Audrey's birth experience. I know some women who end up with a C-section sometimes feel that way- really disappointed and hurt by how their previous labor ended up and desiring to create a better experience this time, which I am completely not judgemental of. And I will admit that in the weeks immediately following Audrey's birth, I did feel disappointed and sad that things did not go as I had expected, and that I had not been able to push my baby out. Even though I experienced pretty much all of labor- crazy intense contractions and pushing- it was a pretty disheartening not to be able to have the sense of completion I know I would have felt from pushing Audrey out. Yet as time as gone by I can honestly say that I have no regrets, no more sadness when I think of Audrey's birth. All I can think of is how incredibly amazing and beautiful and wonderful it was to have played a part in giving my sweet girl life. And I am always reminded of how God was so faithful and so in control that day, keeping both me and Audrey safe and healthy.
So, although I would like to "experience" every aspect of labor, that is not the root of my desire to have a VBAC. My desire is based more on just the fact that if it does look like it is a safe, healthy option for me, having a VBAC in the long run is better than having to go through major abdominal surgery. My doctor agrees that having a vaginal birth is always the "best" option, if it is also the safest and wisest option.
I feel like I am in a really good place with it all right now though. I feel like I really have peace that whichever way it ends up going, I will be truly happy. I am just getting so excited to meet our little boy!
However, there is another twist in the story:
At my last OB appoinment two weeks ago, after having another lengthy conversation with my doctor about VBACs, we discovered that my little guy was in the breech position! My doctor discovered this after checking for the baby's heart beat and having a little trouble getting a good reading. He casually turned on the ultra-sound machine and checked the baby's position. Sure enough, he was breech. For a few days prior to my appointment, I had kind of been feeling like maybe he was in the breech position, but I was not sure. My doctor was not worried and he did not want to try to turn him yet, because there was a good chance that he could turn into the wrong position again before the birth. However, if he is still in that postion come 38 weeks or so, then my doctor will attempt to turn him. My doctor did suggest several "exercises" I could do on my own to help position the baby better, that I have been doing, but I can't really tell if they have worked or not. I have my next appointment tomorrow morning, so we'll see...
So this big decision, along with the big move are two major, major things that have been taking up a lot of my thoughts as of late. I know that this was a super lengthy, probably much too detailed post, but like the previous one, I just had some things to get off my chest! Thanks for "listening", my dear sweet readers!