{photo via a picture is worth a thousand words}
Where do I begin? I certainly didn't plan on taking a little blogging break this last week. But life has a way of taking you down paths you don't expect, and the past ten days have definitely been unexpected.
Early last week I was caught up in all the last-minute preparations of getting ready for Christmas. Baking cookies, wrapping gifts, cleaning house. We were stuck at home because there was so much snow, but I didn't mind. I was feeling ten times more rested and at peace with the season than last year (a very deliberate choice on my part, which I hope to write more about later) and was so excited to spend Christmas at home with my family.
Then on Christmas eve it all came crashing down. Late in the afternoon, we got the news that some of our very dearest friends had lost their sweet daughter Sabrina Margot, three weeks before my friend Nancy was due. To say we were devastated would be an understatement. Our hearts ached for their loss and we spent Christmas in a fog, torn between wanting to embrace the joy of the Christmas celebration with Audrey and Elliot and the rest of our family, and wanting so desperately to be in Portland with our friends.
We were already planning on being on the westside on the weekend to see my family for Christmas, so we rearranged plans a little and after a quick overnight stop at my dad's, we went to be with our friends and their children for two days. We knew we couldn't magically make everything all better. We knew that doing dishes and letting our kids play together and listening and talking and praying and hugging could only do so much. But when your friends are hurting, you do what you can. Everything you can.
We got home late on Monday night and I still feel like I am processing it all, still working through my emotions from our time with them. How do I put into words the depth of love we feel for them? The depth of pain we have shared with them during this time? How do I find a way to express the overwhelming sense of God's peace and grace and comfort we felt in their home from the moment we stepped through the front door? The incredible strength and beauty that we have seen in our friends as they walk through this tragedy? The remarkable way they have parented their sweet children through this? The courage with which our friends have clung to each other and clung to Christ? How to I express how even in the midst of this heartbreaking experience I have witnessed God at work and His beauty in spite of the pain?
I haven't been able to find the words yet. All I know is that in spite of the immense grief I feel and all the questions that have yet to be answered, God is still God. He is still good. I don't question Him or His love or His grace. I question why, but I don't question who He is. That has never changed. If anything, I have experienced more of God's grace, peace, and love this last week than I ever have before.
So, my dear friends, that is where my heart has been this last week. Heartbroken over the loss of a sweet little girl I never got the chance to get to know, filled with sadness for the pain that a family I love so much is overwhelmed with right now. I am hoping to be back in this little space more in the coming weeks, but for now I just wanted to say hello and let you know where I've been.
xo andi
